I was driving home after picking up my son when he started
crying in a way i had never seen before.
My mobile phone rang so i pulled onto the halfords car park that
i was passing and it was my wife.
The school had rang and told her that Daniel had used sentences
that i wont repeat on this blog.
Now i first thoughts were can it be true.
I mean Daniel goes to school then comes home. he has no contact with anyone
a part from us.
So i drove back to school to find out what had gone on.
on arrival ( i still had Daniel with me) i asked to see the head of year who
had made the phone call.
I was told to wait and was then greeted by them.
I was taken to a room with a low table and had to sit little low chairs.
Now i may have looked like a kid sitting there but i was not going to be treated like one.
I knew from past experience it would difficult to get a word in.
Anyway after explaining why i was there and just in case my wife had by any chance
raised her voice on the phone ( she had not)thought i would just say " my wife has a lot going
on at the moment she is due her a revision on her hip replacement she had 20 years ago and i would
just like say that if she raised her voice it was due to all whats going on .
but i never got the chance to finish.
The head of the year starting ranting getting louder and louder that other people have the same
problems and then really laid into me.
I looked back and asked her why she was shouting. my son had broke down holding his ears
and had to be taken out the room crying.
She told me i was going on and on. I had hardly said a word a part from my apology in case
my wife had raised her voice on phone.
I just said look the reason i was telling you about my wifes diabetes (she takes insulin injections
twice a day) although i never told the head this . i just said my wife has diabetes,
rheumatiod arthritis, is awaiting two operations and all i wanted to say im sorry if my wife raised her
voice but she has a lot on her plate .
just incase she had because its hard to stay calm when your being
spoken to on the phone as if your 6 years old.
Oh she said.
anyway another teacher arrived and started shouting at me.
no in fact they were at what i would call just below the shouting threshold about 1 decibel below.
both of them firing away on What had happened at the same time.
would make a good youtube video voice over. who knows...
i would say its a sacking offence to shout at a parent that way.
they told me they knew how to deal with him because of the thousands of autistic
kids they had dealt with. Only two thats including Daniel are in his year.
I said wow but surley you know no two people with autism are a like.
The reply to me was. we have children too. were parents we know how to deal with it.
i said so your children are autistic then.Which their children are of course not autistic.
i was told that i should not bring there children into it and they would not comment on their kids.
i said i did not you did, you brought them in to it not me.Comparing again i said.
they started to calm down and the voices lowered. i decided that theres no way of reasoning with them. so i will just go along as best as i could with out wanting to jump off the post office tower.
a few comments were made about they know how hard it is and how well a job i am doing
with Daniel etc.
They could never know.
i thought to myself the following
(its fun. fantastic.tiring,hard,brilliant. out of this world.
Daniels not the problem its people who lack awareness.
. plus God chose me and my wife. )
anyway back to meeting..
THey told me they wanted the best for him thats why they had to challenge him.
i explained that's not the way you deal with autism. But they told me
it had to be done so he could get on in the big wide world.
he is only 11 .
I told them its my job to make sure he is happy and that there making him feel like dieing.
But it seems that other peoples feelings who Daniel does not understand are more
important than Daniel being happy and so Daniel feels like hurting him self or worse.
The greatest thing of all it was the word of other children in this instance who have been friends for years
against Daniels.
I cant see where at home he would have heard these words . They said may be on the bus or out playing.
I told them he dont use buses and he dont play out side.
I said i am most shocked that he has learnt these words in your school.
They brought up that he had used the word bitch at his mainstream school.
I said you dont know what happened there ,how dare you bring that up.
He was bullied because he was different and used a word he had heard other children use.
Something that had happened again by the sound of it i said.
Anyway I think they want Daniel to act like their own children.
Its never going to happen and the more they force rules they think he should follow down
his throat the more they will get a reaction.
The main rules of dealing with children with autism and by far not exhaustive
to help Daniel and Avoid stress and invoke understanding are

Do not talk ‘down’ to him ,
DONT RAISE YOUR VOICE> I KNOW THIS HAPPENS I HAVE WITNESSED IT
but do check he understands what he has to do.
Don’t assume he understands just because he can
repeat back the instruction you have just given.
Dont assume he should know just because he did before.
Dont use instructions with several actions.
• He Often becomes a potential or actual target for teasing
and bullying because of how he appears and reacts to other pupils? Act aggressively
as a result of bullying?
• Find unstructured social time difficult to use appropriately
– for example, sits on his own at lunchtime or tries to
join in games unsuccessfully at playtime?
• Show a poor awareness of others and how they may be affected
by his behaviour – for example, contradicting or non-compliant to teachers, not sharing or
allowing other children to join in his games,
making inappropriate comments in class, talking too loudly, over-reacting to losing?
• Find changes to his routine quite difficult to cope with
– for example getting annoyed if he has a supply teacher
or has to move classroom. Is he quite concerned if things don’t happen in a set order?
• Find group activities difficult, for example, because he
has poor social skills or because he wants everything to be
done his way?
• Often appear quite anxious in busy, noisy social situations, for
example dining halls or during PE?
• Have body language that makes him stand out, for example,
holds him self awkwardly, lacks spontaneity in gestures and
displays limited or unusual facial expressions?
• Have a voice tone that is unlike those of his peers?
• Communicate using words and phrases that are unlike those of his
peers?
• Exhibit behaviours or interests that make him stand out
from the other children in the class?

This does not mean he is being NAUGHTY,

NOW AFTER GOING THROUGH WHAT THEY TOLD ME IN YESTERDAYS MEETING ITS PLAIN
THEY WANT DANIEL TO FOLLOW RULES THAT HE CANT REMEMBER DUE TO HIS AUTISM.
THEY WANT TO CHANGE HIM SO HE FITS INTO THE WORLD.
THEY TOLD ME HE NEEDS TO .
I LISTENED TO THEM AS THEY SHOUTED AND SPOKE THEIR VIEWS.
YES I THOUGHT IF ONLY.
IF DANIEL COULD DO WHAT THEY WANT HIM TOo THEN HE SURLEY WOULD NOT HAVE AUTISM.
MY FEELINGS ARE THAT NO ONE CAN EXPECT SOMEONE WITH AUTISM TO CHANGE.
ITS NOT POSSIBLE JUST LIKE ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO CHANGE THE WORLD TO BE COMPLETELY AUTISTIC AWARE.
I CANT FOR THE LIFE ME GET IT OVER TO THESE TEACHERS THAT THEY SHOULD NOT BE COMPARING HIM TO
NON AUTISTIC CHILDREN OR AUTISTIC CHILDREN.
THEY NEVER LET YOU FINISH A SENTENCE.
I KNOW THEY HAVE A JOB TO DO BUT IT BOILS DOWN TO THE PLUMBER DOING THE ELECTRICIANS JOB AGAIN.
IN ALL DUE RESPECT I HAVE ALWAYS LISTENED TO THEM BUT THEY NEVER LISTEN TO ME.
I TOLD THEM HOW TO PROCEED WITH DANIEL when they asked but seems no notice was taken. BUT WHEN THEIR SYSTEM CAUSES HIM
TO EXPLODE AND FEEL LIKE KILLING HIM SELFS THEY SAY HE HAS TO REALISE OTHER PEOPLE
FEELINGS AND THEY SAY THEY KNOW HE KNOWS AND THEY KNOW HE UNDERSTANDS AND ETC ETC ETC.
i AM NOT SAYING AUTISTIC POEPLE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING.
I AM SIMPLY ASKING THAT school FOLLOW THE BASIC RULES THAT ARE USED BY MANY AUTISM SPECIFIC
SCHOOLS. NOT THE ONES THEY USE IN A SCHOOL WHICH IS FIRSTY FOR BEHAVUOIR PROBLEMS.
THE COCK UP OF THEM SENDING HIM TO THIS SCHOOL TO SAVE MONEY HAS BACK FIRED BUT ITS DANIEL THAT WILL SUFFER.
THEY CAN GO HOME AT NIGHT TO THEIR PERFECT KIDS WHILE MY SON COMES HOME TO US AND FEELS LIKE KILLING
HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY ARE FORCING THINGS ON HIM THAT ANYONE WHO HAS AUTISM KNOWS IS TERRIFYING AND
THE TEACHERS JUST CANT SEE IT.
THE LAST FEW MONTHS HAVE CHANGED DANIEL.
DANIEL AT LEAST GETS SOME RESPITE FROM ALL THIS WHEN WITH HIS NEW PUPPY NUGGET.
THEY EVEN BROUGHT HIS DOG INTO IT BY ASKING DANIEL WHAT HIS DOG WOULD THINK.
THEY TOLD DANIEL IT WOULD BE ON HIS SCHOOL RECORD. DANIEL IS BEING EMMOTIONALLY SCARRED
AND THEY THINK ITS HELPING HIM TO GO OUT IN THE BIG WIDE WORLD.
DANIEL STILL SAYS HE NEVER SAID THE THINGS I WAS TOLD WHICH PROMPTED MY VISIT TO SCHOOL YESTERDAY
AND ITS ALL BASED ON
OTHER CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR MANY YEARS.
MY SON ROCKED AND CRIED AND HURT HIS HEAD FRETTING .
I BELIEVE IF HE DID SAY IT HE JUST COPIED IT AS HE OFTEN DOES.
HE NEVER JUST CAME OUT WITH IT LIKE THEY THINK.
PLUS THE TEACHER STATED DANIEL WAS TRIPPED. BY THE PERSON WHO TOLD THEM.
I HAVE NEVER HEARD DANIEL SAY ANYTHING LIKE WHAT WAS SAID AND I KNOW DANIEL THRIVES ON FACT
NOT FICTION AND IS HONEST TO THE POINT OF BEING RUDE.
DO I BELIEVE HIM.
YOU BET.
THAT SCHOOL NEEDS TO STOP THINKING ABOUT OFSTED REPORTS AND MORE ABOUT HOW THE CHILDREN FEEL.
SEVERAL CHILDREN HAVE GOT DEPRESSION SINCE GOING .
DO I THINK DANIEL NEEDS TO WORRY ABOUT CHANGING.
NO.
EVERYTHING DEVELOPES AT A SLOW STEADY PACE WITH DANIEL.
FORCING THE ISSUES JUST HOLDS THINGS UP.
IF THEY READ THIS AT SCHOOL THEY MAY THINK THEY KNOW BEST.
BUT I DONT EVEN KNOW EVERYTHING AND I LIVE WITH AUTISM 24/7.
PLUS THEY WANT HIM TO FOLLOW THESE NEW RULES.
1. THINK BEFORE HE SPEAKS
2. TO SPEAK APPROPRIATLY TO EVERYONE
3. TO PUT HIS HAND UP BEFORE HE SPEAKS.
SOUNDS EASY DOES IT NOT.
THE ADDED PRESSURE OF THIS MAKES IT NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO COPE AS HE IS CONSTANTLY
WORRIED HE WILL FAIL.
IF HE DOES HE STAYS ON REPORT.

YES AN AUTISTIC BOY ON REPORT FOR SHOWING AUTISTIC BEHAVIOUR.

IT REALLY STINKS...........................................
THEIR IDEAS ARE WRONG WRONG WRONG .
STOP TRYING TO CURE HIM.
YOU CANT.
YOU NOT DOCTORS.
YOUR TEACHERS.. WITH A FEW HOURS TRAINING ON BEHAVIOUR .
I DONT EVEN KNOW IF THE DAMN SCHOOL HAS A AUTISM OUT REACH WORKER.
DAMN IT TO HIGH HEAVEN AND BACK.
WHY OH WHY CANT THEY JUST ACCEPT HE HAS AUTISM.

GOT PHONE CALL ON ANSWER PHONE from the LEA WHEN I GOT IN.
THERE IS NEWS OF A SCHOOL PLACEMENT FOR HIM.
NOT SURE WHERE.
I WILL RING THEM TOMORROW.